Wraparound Parent Partners: The Sentinels of the Engagement Phase

Eileen did not want to talk to me. Her 14-year-old daughter reported to her teacher that Dad, Eileen’s husband, molested her several times recently. Since Dad had taken off a month ago, Eileen would be the one investigated. Her new job at the hospital was contacted to verify her employment and overnight work hours. Extended members of the family and a neighbor accused Eileen of wittingly putting her daughter in danger. She heard chatter at the school. She could not sleep during business hours after work because that’s when she had to tend to CPS, legal matters and managing her daughter’s needs. Eileen was physically, emotionally and financially drained. She was on edge and everyone was the enemy.

I tried to reach her three times by phone and three times by text with no answer. After that, I texted her again to introduce myself without using her daughter’s name or the details as to why the family was referred to us. I also mentioned in the text, “Since your daughter is already in good hands, I just wanted to check on you.” She called me right back, but her voice was guarded and her words clipped with just yes and no answers. I managed to say to her, “I’m not here to judge you at all. I’m here because we mamas need to stick together.” It was a risky statement, but Eileen’s voice was faint and broken when she said, “Thank you so much.”

Then she gave me a wealth of insight for the next 75 minutes.

This is not an uncommon scenario. Mothers are more likely than fathers to be labeled as failing to protect (FTP) in cases of sexual abuse and domestic violence (Henry, 2020). In one sampled population, researchers found that about 50% of non-offending parents demonstrated psychological distress at clinical levels. Even more concerning is that over 40% reported they themselves were victims of sexual abuse, leading to parental dysregulation after learning of their own child being victimized as well (Langevin et al., 2016).

Unfortunately, there are few treatments that directly address parental needs, and distress often persists (Davies, 1995, as cited in Myrick & Green, 2013). Stitt (2007) concluded in a qualitative study of non-offending mothers of sexually abused children that the majority of these parents perceive professionals as viewing them as partly to blame for the abuse, no matter how much effort they did or did not put into actual protection. Blaming the other parent has become default thinking. 

For the work necessary to serve the family, the non-offending parent needs to feel safe. Parent partners are known to have magical ways of building trust, and as a once-parent partner turned Wraparound fidelity coach, it is a privilege for me to listen to and observe the ways others have been successful doing this. What I have learned coaching and training teams is how those teams view the parent partner as the initial gatekeeper to the family—a Sentinel, first at the gate to gain access to the parents or caregivers. 

At the gateway to the family, Sentinels assess the parents’ perceived threat level and lower it in several ways: 

• Absorbing and stabilizing the caregivers’ intensity early, many times decreasing the spillover onto the team.
• Detecting and intervening when trust is compromised, before it interrupts the Wraparound process.
• Preventing misinterpretation of behavior or interactions by providing context both ways.
• Working to establish a shared understanding of the tone and engagement strategy needed.

If a parent does not trust the team’s intentions, their comfort with the team’s involvement with their family will be limited. This dynamic can influence how the youth experiences the team and how credible and supportive the team feels to them.

While parent partners are reporting details and insight critical to the team’s ability to walk into their sessions well-informed and prepared, parents and caregivers are then humanized beyond allegations and documentation. Parent partners ensure the hierarchy parents and caregivers feel between them and other professionals is removed and belonging and dignity are restored. Relational expertise of this depth is key to Wraparound success and reflects the importance of the engagement phase in preparing teams and families for the path ahead.

References

Henry, C. (2020). Substantiated allegations of failure to protect in the child welfare system. Children and Youth Services Review, 112, 104926.

Langevin, R., Hébert, M., & Bergeron, S. (2016). Emotional distress among non-offending parents of sexually abused children. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 25(5), 547–567.

Myrick, A. C., & Green, E. J. (2013). A play-based treatment paradigm for non-offending caretakers: Evidence-informed secondary trauma treatment. International Journal of Play Therapy, 22(4), 193–206. 

Stitt, S. (2007). Non-offending mothers of sexually abused children: Perceptions of professional response. Irish Journal of Applied Social Studies, 8(1), Article 5.